“Mary, hurry up! We’ll be late for the Jonsey’s Party!” Mary’s mother yelled up the stairs.
 
“Whoppidity-doo,” thought Mary to herself. “I get to be showed off to everyone while every one else gives themselves the flu! So called Adults are so stupid!” Mary dutifully wheeled herself into the living room, after having navigated the stairs using the special elevator that was installed for her.
 
“Oh Mary, you’re not wearing that dress! You’ve already worn that one.”
“Meet my mother, the disposable dress!” Mary mumbled to herself.
“What a waste!” Mary went back into her room and changed into another dress. She came back down.
“Oh, there you are! Let’s go! Hon! Hon! We’re ready!” Mary’s mother called out as they went out to the car.
 
************
 
David turned on the T.V set, having already read almost all of his books. He clicked through the channels.
 
“Nothing. Might as well go to bed. I wish dad was here…School clothes… I’ve got to buy school clothes.”
 
David opened his mother’s door. “Yep, still a single child and a single parent balled up into one…bills, better go pay the bills. Let’s see, electric - check, water - check, garbage- check, property tax - not due. Mom will probably lose the house because it will be condemned for not paying the electric bill. I’ll just pay a year in advance for all of the bills, that should keep her. Let’s see, anything else? Nope. Done. Time for bed. Mother - what a hopeless case. I’m doing something with my life. There is definitely more to life than drinking - and drugs, for that matter. No, I am definitely not following her footsteps. Too foolish.”
 
************
 
The following day, David went to the mall for his school shopping. “Ralph Lauren, Yves, Valentino… I’m going to school in style. Armani? No, I prefer Valentino - better styles. Let’s see, 10 shirts, 10 pants, 4 blazers for just in case, 5 turtle necks, 3 sweaters. Done. Oh wait, can’t forget the all important Jeans. There done!
 
David started heading towards the exit when he passed some mannequin feet wearing outrageous socks. One pair, was bright flourescent green with glowing yellow eyes where the Ankle joint sticks out. Another had horizontal flourescent purple and blue stripes with a black, red and light blue plaid interwoven between every 6 horizontal lines. Socks, almost forgot, and 3 more pairs of shoes.” David was in and out in 1 hour. “I beat last years time by a whole 20 minutes! Sweet!”
 
************
 
“Mary, we can’t shop there,” Mary’s mother spoke in horror. “No one wears Victorian dresses to school! That’s a costume shop!”
“Who says I was going to wear them to school? I thought I’d wear it to one of those pahr-ties and pretend I am a prin-cess,” Mary said, purposely emphasizing her words and keeping her hand in the air as if she was waiting for it to get kissed. A mother and her elementary aged girl was stifling a giggle.
 
“Oh Mary, when will you grow-up,” Mary’s mother said while trying to find a more suitable store. “Oh, here we are. Mayston’s!”
“Try this on," she continued, while tossing 10 tops and 10 skirts on Mary’s lap.
“She should say ‘these’,” thought Mary to herself. “She sure gives me enough clothes to try on.”
 
“Ah, Ralph Lauren! We’ll get you more tops here. These are stylish pants, “ Mary’s mother added, not even bothering to stop for breath while she dumped 8 blazers, 5 turtle necks, 20 pants, and 20 more tops onto Mary’s lap. She then continued into another shop and plopped 20 more blouses, shirts and other assortments of tops, pants, and skirts on Mary’s overloaded lap. “Next, the formal shop.”
 
“Can’t we drop some of these bags into the car?”
“Why? We need to show people how well off we are!”
Mary rolled her eyes, “More like how well wasteful we are.”
“What?” Her mother said distractedly.
"Nothing, Moth..." Mary said quietly.
"Oh, we must get you some new jewelry. Don't let me forget!" She interrupted.
 
The entered the formal shop. Mary’s mother started grabbing dresses off the various racks. “Can I get this one? It is so beautiful!” Mary asked hopefully.
“No! It’s on sale and there is probably something wrong with it.”
“Stores put stuff on sale all the time!" Mary argued back. "Besides, I can’t find anything wrong with it,” ignoring the fact that she was too overloaded with clothes to see anything anyhow.
 
“Of Course not! You are not trained in the finer picking and choosing of outfits and haute couture like I am,” Mary’s mother boasted. She walked over to another rack and grabbed some more dresses.
 
“Hello! Cashier! We’re ready!” She waved her arm back and forth making a huge spectacle of herself. Mary knew other mothers did not do this. The pile of clothes were stacked so high on Mary’s lap that she had to look around the side of the pile to see where she was going. Mary wheeled out with over 100 new dresses from 10 different designers. She lost count on everything else long ago.
 
************
 
Mary looked at the huge pile of new clothes on her bed. She figured she could probably wear a different outfit 5 times a day and never wear the same thing twice. She knew that these were only the fall clothes and not to be confused by the Winter clothes which of course were distinguished from the Spring collection and the Summer collection. Only her mother separated the clothes into 4 seasons. The designers had only 2 collections for their runway shows - the Winter and the Spring collection. She knew! One day she found the site online that specialized in the style collections. Mary placed herself on her bed and spent the next hour cutting tags off her clothes. She fell asleep before she was even half way through.
 
“Mary! Ready? We’re leaving for the Jonsey’s Picnic Day Party! Mary!”
Mary sat up and rubbed her eyes. “Picnic day? An Australian holiday? Go figure! Let’s all take the day off, make up a holiday and call it picnic day and then go celebrate by going on a picnic and get smashed to the hilt and see if we can still drive straight and make it home alive!” Mary rolled her eyes. “I’d rather sleep, especially after shopping all day! When I grow-up, I am not marrying anyone who drinks - especially socially! They are the worst hypocrites!”
 
Mary struck a pose and put her hand to her chest in a ‘I-wouldn’t-do-that’ expression and then said, “Oh no, I don’t drink. I just have a few because everyone hic else hic is. Burp. Oh excuse me. Burp. Excuse me again. Burp. Oh that couldn’t have been me.” Mary exclaimed while fluttering her eyes. Mary then put her finger in her mouth and pointed down her throat. Puke. “And their conversations are so dull they would even lull an insomiac to sleep.”
 
“Do you drink?” Person number 1 asks person number 2 who is obviously drinking.
Person number 2 than responds, “Yeah, do you?” as both take a sip of some kind of drink.
And if it really is an exciting conversation, person number 3 gets involved and asks the same question, “do you drink?” to person number 1.
Of course we must be polite about this and ask in turn, thus after person 1 asks the infamous question, and person number 3 answers, then person number 2 asks the same question to everyone in turn.
Round and round it goes until someone brightly responds, “What were we talking about?”
And someone else responds, “I don’t know, what were we talking about.”
Then the last person in line comments, “I don’t know either but whatever it was I am sure it must have been fun!” And then they vomit all over the antique rug.
 
“Mary! Coming?! We’ll all be late," Her father interrupted.
 
“One time, they all decided to play charades. What a joke! They couldn’t even think up a title to a T.V. show let alone the movie they had just finished watching. Secondly, when someone tried to get up off the couch to act out a title, their arm went straight forward and they couldn’t get up. Someone else who happened to still be standing stuck his finger up his nose and fell over sideways. I gave up long ago trying to figure out what show he was trying to act out. Someone else asked of the person trying to get up off the couch, to try again, for they almost figured out which show. Really!”
 
************
 

David woke up early. 4 A.M. to be exact. He peeked outside. Stars! He rushed out of bed, threw some clothes on, ran to the kitchen, threw lunch makings into the cooler, grabbed the can opener and rushed out the door, shutting it behind him. “Freezing!” He searched his pockets for his keys. “Nuts, forgot my keys and the doors locked. Hey, mom’s window is probably open!” David climbed up the wooden tressel that ran up the side of the house and held vines. He pushed the window open. David pulled himself up and climbed in. His shoe lace snagged on the green stem while his foot tangled in the vine.
 
“Oh great! My foot is caught!” David gingerly tried to turn around and ended up sitting precariously on the windowsill.
A police officer drove by, noticed the predicament and pulled into the driveway.
“Need help?”
“Yea, I am stuck!” David answered back, suppressing the urge to say ‘duh!’.
 
“Do you live here?”
“Yes.”
“Why were you trying to break in?”
 
"Oh great," David thought to himself. "Of all the police officers in the world I get the one ready for the loony bin!"
He turned his attention towards the nutter below. “I live here!”
“Why were you trying to sneak out?”
“I was trying to get in. I forgot my keys. My lunch is on the step. You can see for yourself. I was planning on going down to the lake to watch the sunrise.”
“Sure you were, at this time in the morning?”
 
David thought to himself. "What time did he think people went down to the lake to watch the sunrise? At 7 A.M. after the sun had already rose?"
 
“Yes, as a matter of a fact I was. Despite popular belief, one needs to arrive at the lake BEFORE the sunrises in order to watch it rise over the lake. But I must apologize. You wouldn’t know that. You are only a mere police officer. Only students and Ivy grads knows when the sun rise. Oops, my apologies again. I hadn’t realized that you never graduate from school!”
“I’ve had enough of your mouth! You come down right this minute!”
“I can’t you fool. My foot is stuck in this vine and there is nothing you can do about it blubbering at the mouth like some lunatic gone mad. Some police officer you are!” David had an idea. He reached over to the night stand and found mom’s cell phone. Thank God she still can’t seem to remember it. He quickly called his dad not wanting to get his useless mother involved in this. Besides, if the courts were to find out how useless his mother really was now, it would destroy his plan.
“Hey son, what are you doing? I ordered you to come down!”
“I am calling my dad. He’ll get you on the right page!”

 
“Hello?” a groggy voice answered.
“Hey dad, I’m stuck on a window sill and the police are here and harassing me instead of helping me and my arms are getting tired and I can’t get my foot unstuck and it gots my shoelace and..” David said quickly without taking a breath.
His father interrupted, “You what????”
“I locked myself out of the house trying to go see the sunrise.”
“Oh David! Only you could do something like this! Hand the phone to the poor cop.”
“I can’t. I can’t reach that far.”
“THEN DROP IT TOO HIM!” his father bellowed into the phone.
“Here, catch! My dad wants to talk to you!”
A few minutes later the fire truck arrived and David was gotten safely into his house. The police officer apologized, as did David. David grabbed his keys and his jacket. The police officer threw David’s bike into the trunk and lunch into the car and drove David to the lake. They arrived with just enough time for David to set up and watch the sunrise.

 
************
 
Mary crawled into bed and peeked at her clock. “5 A.M.! I hate those stupid parties! I need my sleep. But no, Mother wanted to show me off in preparation for my debutante` party! That’s my coming out party. Coming out of what? A big fat black hole, that’s what! Actually, when you are 16, your parents throw a big party and invite potential husbands - husbands for you that is - and their parents. The whole object is to secure a wealthy marriage deal for you and to prove that your parents are richest and throw the most lavish and best parties. The wealthier the would be suitor, the better. Most parents don’t start showing off their children until they are at least 12 or 13 years old. My mother wanted to get a head start so that they could se how mature I was at such young an age!”
11 hours later, a very sleepy Mary toddled downstairs.
“Well hello Sleeping Beauty!” Her father teased.
“Better grab a light snack and then get ready. We have another party to go to.” Her mother said as she ran upstairs to finish getting ready.
“Oh great, another late night of dullsville,” Mary moaned to herself.

 
************
 
David ate a hamburger at Jugsville diner. “You know, there is one good thing about my parents divorce. I no longer have to go to those stupid stupor parties where everyone sees who can be more lavishly stupid and foolish than the others and the whole object is to see who can spend the most money the fastest and still be the richest in the community - never mind that the house is 3 mortgages in debt and you own more in credit card debt than you’ve made in 10 years! At least his parents weren’t like that.”
 
David biked over to wham Monty, a discount store. He bought every item on his school supply list that the school said 5th graders needed. It took him only 15 minutes. He paid the cashier and grabbed the bag of supplies. The supplies promptly went thru the bottom of the bag, as if on cue, and spread across the floor. The next customer in line helped David pick up the supplies. The cashier put the supplies in a new bag and doubled bagged it. David tossed the bag in his trailer and took off.
 
************
 
The following afternoon, Mary and her mother went shopping for school supplies. “Let’s see, you need glue, scissors - no grab the friskers. They are sharper. Markers,…”
“I need a pencil box,” Mary interjected.
“We are not buying that here.” Mrs. Goldstein rolled her eyes and continued looking over the school list, checking off as she went along.
They drove to the mall and went to Baccarat - one of those expensive jewelry stores. Mrs. Goldstein grabbed a jewelry box that was decorated with rubies, diamonds, sapphires and amethyst. It had a lid that opened up. Inside, was real black velvet but nothing else. This jewelry box did not contain any drawers. She handed the box to Mary. “This should be big enough for your school box.”
“School box!?” Mary was beyond shocked. “Are you out of your mind? No one brings Baccarat Jewelry boxes to school to use as a school box!”

 
“That’s because its too rich for their blood. Besides, they’re afraid their children might lose it. They couldn’t afford the loss, but we can!” Mrs. Goldstein paid for the box and then went to secure a small Gucci bag that was the perfect size for pencils and pens. She then grabbed a larger Gucci bag to use as the school bag. Mary rolled her eyes.

 
Mary put her school notebooks and folders on her lap and wheeled into her bedroom. The books fell onto the floor when she stopped. She transferred herself to the floor and picked up the books 1 by 1. “I can’t believe it! Most children go shopping for school clothes and supplies and are done in one day if they don’t shop at a department store like Whammonty or Tabgetty. I, on the other hand, take all day, just for supplies.” She rearranged her notebooks and folders, trying to figure out which one she wanted for which subject. “And pens? Most kids bring the everyday pens. I, on the other hand, can’t even think about bringing a pen that cost less than $200! Each pen must be 24K Gold accented with diamonds, rubies or some other expensive Gem. My mother is ridiculous!”
“Mary,” Mr. Goldstein called out. “Time to go!”

 
“A complete nutter! Oh well, I wonder if we will go to 4 parties tonight or stop at 3? I am tired of watching people coming and going.”
Mary dutifully wheeled herself out to the car, and buckled herself in. As her father drove the car, Mary peered out the window at the rain and thought to herself, "The rain seems to fortell a sad story. I wonder, what tonight might bring? Maybe it is not tonight it is warning me about. Well, how can one know? All parties are alike - very stupid; filled with stupid behavior no child worth their weight in gold would even dare attempt. After all, we children at least know how to keep our reputations where they out to be - clean and drug free!"